Heavenly Father, Your children are many. Your heartaches are countless. Not just from those who suffer for Your Name or in illness or war. I am certain that your heart aches for your children who do nothing to the need for action today.
I pray that my trip to Uganda will be the beginning of that effort for me. For my family. For those in my sphere of influence. Prepare me Lord for what I am about to witness and experience….Protect us physically…And spiritually. Let each of us come home inspired to act…I want a heart for people…. a heart and love for all who suffer injustice and apathy…I see that this trip is about changing me, changing my heart. I don’t want to sit back anymore.
~An excerpt from my journal, 11/6/2006
I was fired up and ready to do something and praying that I could do more after this trip to Uganda! It is a little hard to read my thoughts and prayers eighteen years later as they somehow seem painfully immature. But at the time, I didn’t know much nor could I possibly know what was coming, or how to prepare for it. We do what we think is right until we know better.
We all, on some level, feel compelled to do something. But just doing something blindly or because it seems “good” is problematic. Here are a few misconceptions I had back then (this list aided by reading through my journal) and maybe you can relate:
* I have what many lack but if I give them some of these things, there won’t be a lack.
* If people just had more stuff, they wouldn’t just not lack; their lives would be good.
* God just wants us to do something.
* God needs me to do something.
* I can fix things for others. I have solutions for others.
* I know what the problem is. I understand the problem.
The reality, and the trouble, is I only know my life. I know some things about my little corner of the world. But I was far outside of my element in Uganda and in Mexico. What did I know about those worlds; the harshness (from my perspective) of day to day living, poverty, context? I didn’t and yet, I made decisions about what would be helpful – for “them.” But I can only define “helpful” from my own experience and understanding. And those are flawed and limited at best.
No feelings of hopelessness or desperation come to my mind regarding that time right after which is surprising to me. My formation occurred over a series of experiences, revelations, conversations, with each new understanding integrating into my changing world view. None of change our minds overnight though sometimes an event will lead to a drastic shift. I am sharing my experiences and observations with you, the inquisitive reader, in the hopes I can offer one of those moments that shifts your understanding. Back to post trip. Fast forward a year and I helped the next team raise money to go a year later. But over time, I began feeling unsettled by these misconceptions and the questions I had been confronted with. Can I help? Should I help? What does the Bible mean by being generous to the poor? What does it mean specifically for me?
One of the team members and I talked about this quite a bit (at this point I was on church staff). What should mission trips look like for the church if we did them at all? What is the better solution for our members to engage with the world? So many questions and so few answers. We prayed for a long time about it. And that is when I learned about World Vision’s community development work.